One
by tachyon-master
Summary: How far would you do to be with the one you love? How would they react when they found out what you did? SBRL


**Authors note:  Post-OoTP. Fic contains slashy themes of the Remus/Sirius type.   If you don't like it…Well, don't read it.  Also hints at suicide, so reader beware.  Slight mention of H/Hr.  This is my first HP fic, so please be kind…Feedback – good or bad – would be much appreciated.  Switches POV about half way through, so I hope you don't get too confused.**

**Disclaimer:  I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters contained therein.  They belong to JK Rowling.  I also don't own the lyrics used.  They belong to U2.**

****

**One**

Silence.  The dark is all encompassing.  My mind numb.  It can't be true, but it is.  Life.  Such a joke.  What is life anyway?  I no longer feel alive, yet I feel my heart break.  It must mean that I'm still here, that this nightmare is real.  Why did you leave again?  I thought that things would be better this time.  That we'd have the chance that was so brutally ripped away from us last time.  Time.  The one thing we knew wasn't on our side.  But who knew that we'd have so little of it?  Are you happy now?  I imagine that you're sitting around with our old friends wondering how I'm the only one left when everyone thought that I'd be the first to go.  It shouldn't be this way you know?  We were supposed to grow old together.  Maybe.  One day.

_Is it getting better_

_Or do you feel the same_

_Will it make it easier on you_

_Now you got someone to blame_

I'm sorry.  You're probably asking what I have to be sorry for aren't you?  Deep down, they all wanted you safe and secure of course.  Out of the line of fire.  Taunts and orders from others aside, I should have known better shouldn't I?  I should have known that keeping you in a cage would only make things worse.  You always were the one who liked to set the caged animals free when we were at school.  Care of Magical Creatures had never been so much fun.  How would I like to spend my life in a cage you asked me the first time I confronted you about why you did it in first year.  I was already caged in my own way, never being able to escape from my own so called life.  Though that wasn't known to you at the time.  I understood then, how could I not?  Yet somehow I forgot.  Time.  It tore us apart once.  I thought I was keeping you safe so we'd have more time, now look where we are.  Apart once again.  No longer one, we are two.

_You say, one love, one life_

_When its one need in the night_

Need.  The one thing the wolf can understand.  I needed you, the love.  The wolf needed a mate.  Now we're both without the one thing we need.  It's selfish, I know.  You know what it was like growing up without love in your life.  They all tried you know, to make me feel wanted.  Needed.  Loved.  But nobody really knew what it was like.  Except you.  We were never ones to revel in the pity that was constantly bestowed upon us were we?  I need you.

_One love, we get to share it_

_Leaves you baby if you don't care for it_

Time flies doesn't it?  When you're living on borrowed time.  Some things though, seem to go on for an eternity.  Twelve years.  A lifetime.  I don't know how I survived.  I can't do it again.  The hurt.  The pain.  Too much.  I loved you.  Love.  It's still there, I can feel it.  I wonder if you can.  I wish that we'd had the chance to talk more.  So many things left unsaid.  Why you?  Why me?  Where was the trust that we both swore on our lives would never wane?  Sorry.  Just a word.  You forgive me, I forgive you.  That was how it went wasn't it?  But why?  We had those thoughts for a reason didn't we?  I thought love was enough.  Maybe not.  Time to forgive.  But never forget.

_Did I disappoint you_

_Or leave a bad taste in your mouth_

I should have trusted you.  Known that you would never betray them.  It was the easy answer though wasn't it?  Who wanted to think at a time like that?  So I didn't think.  And we all know the consequences of not thinking don't we?  A slight smirk threatens to creep across my face.  But now is not the time to be rehashing such thoughtless school pranks.  I remember the aftermath like it was yesterday.  You tried so hard to apologise didn't you?  For months all I could feel was the burning rage, but in the end it didn't really matter did it?  I remember the day.  He'd just died.  We were all expecting it to happen eventually though.  Just not so soon.  Still a child.  You crawled into the dorms, dried tears on your cheeks.  No matter how much you hated each other, he was still your brother.  Your blood.  Never in all those years we'd known each other had I seen you cry.  You asked why, what could you have possibly done to stop it?  We choose our own path in life, sometimes it's slightly misguided.  I forgave you then, obviously you had realised the frailty of life.  How easily it can be taken away in the blink of an eye.  Don't blink.

_You act like you never had love_

_And you want me to go without_

The hell with that.  I love you.  Remember when it first happened?  Sixth year.  I was sitting in the common room doing my astronomy homework, though that was hardly unusual was it, me doing homework?  I despised the moon so much, why on earth would I want to write an essay on it?  Though I hardly needed to do much research, did I?  You on the other hand…Why on earth should I go to the library when I can just bother you, you asked?  Well I was hardly going to let you copy now was I?  Being a prefect and all.  Do you remember sneaking out with the cloak and map for a more practical observational lesson?  Lying on the grass staring up at the moon as if we didn't have a worry in the world.  The moon in its first quater, barely a sliver of light in the sky.  One of the few times that I was able to even bare looking at it.  You said it was beautiful.  Hardly.  You said I was beautiful.  Not likely.  You leaned over and kissed me.  Well who was I to argue with that?

_Well it's too late tonight_

_To drag the past out into the light_

Time.  It holds so many memories doesn't it?  Good.  Bad.  The pain.  But now it's time to look to the future.  You're gone.  I'm not.  Yet.  It has to happen one day though doesn't it?  We can't live forever.  Forever is too long to be away from you.  I'm sure they'll miss me when I'm gone.  But they'll understand.  _He_ will understand what love really is one of these days.  I think maybe he already does.  You never saw the way he looked at Hermione when she wasn't looking did you?  Kind of like the way James used to look at Lily when he thought she wasn't looking…

_We're one but were not the same_

_We get to carry each other, carry each other_

Not long now love.  I can feel the change already.  Full moon rising.  The wolf wants its mate back.  Who am I to deny it what it wants?  Especially since I want the same thing.  It's out for blood tonight.  Can't stop it.  Didn't take the potion.  It's going to be painful.  But a means to an end right?  We'll be together soon.  Can't think.  Can't feel.  Can't breathe.  Black.

_One_

I look around in horror.  What the hell are you doing here?  This can't be happening.  You were supposed to stay and take care of him.  He's having enough trouble coping with me being gone, how do you think he's going to react to this?  You were the only one who could truly understand what he was going through with me being gone, now he's alone.  This isn't right.  You were supposed to live to a ripe old age, all the divination professors said so.  Right?  Were they wrong?  Why are you here?  What happened?  You're looking around at anything but me.  Guilt.  I can see it in your eyes.  Oh fuck...What have you done?

_Have you come here for forgiveness_

_Have you come to raise the dead_

I can't come back.  You know that though.  That means only one thing.  You haven't come here to save me.  You came to save yourself.  Damn you!  Why would you go and do something so stupid?   You're supposed to be the sensible one here, I'm the one who doesn't think things through.  I want to say I'm happy to see you.  I really do.  But things weren't meant to happen like this.  You aren't meant to be here, you were meant to find someone else.  Move on.  Eventually.  I guess it's too late for that now though isn't it?

_Have you come here to play Jesus_

_To the lepers in your head_

Did you think that this would end the hurt?  The pain?  I can assure you that I can still feel.  Being here doesn't take away your problems.  In some ways it is worse.  Now we're not in a position to do anything about them.  Who's going to take care of Peter now huh?  It should have been me.  It should have been you.  Look at how he tore everyone's lives apart.  Look at how he tore _us apart.  This isn't right.  Who is going to be there to watch Harry grow into a man?  He needs a father.  Who's going to fill that role for him now?  Oh sweet Merlin, do you even realise what you have done?_

_Did I ask too much, more than a lot_

_You gave me nothing, now it's all I got_

What exactly do you want me to do now?  What do you want me to say?  I can see you looking at me now with questioning eyes.  Undoubtedly you can see the confusion, anger and pain in mine.  All I need is time.  Right now I doubt that I could say anything to you that wouldn't make you want to walk away and never want to see or speak to me again.  I turn and look away, not being able to stand the hurt look on your face knowing that I'm the one who put it there.

_We're one but were not the same_

_Well we hurt each other, and we'll do it again_

Do you really think that things would work out this time?  Look at how little faith we had in each other in the past.  How little we trusted each other.  We both had good reasons of course, but that still doesn't help us now does it?  How soon till we start doubting each other again?  I don't know whether I could bear going through that kind of pain again.  Feeling like my heart has been ripped in half.  In a way I suppose it was.  You hold the other half.  Always have.

_You say love is a temple_

_Love a higher law_

_Love is a temple_

_Love the higher law_

Love was never exactly our problem was it?  I can feel the smirk creeping across my face.  You  always were the quiet one.  Except when we were alone of course.  It shouldn't have surprised me that the alpha male in you came out like that.  Didn't matter that much though really.  I never complained.  But underneath it all I loved you like no other.  You were the one who really taught me to love.  It was hardly something I was accustomed to now was it?  My family always did have a somewhat twisted sense of the meaning of the word.  But together we worked through it.  Together we tore it apart.  With a little help.

_You ask me to enter_

_But then you make me crawl_

_And I can't be holding on_

_To what you got_

I turn back to look at you.  The smirk slowly leaving my face.  I can see the desperate look in your eyes.  You want me to forgive you.  That's something I can't do right now.  Your hand somehow ends up in mine and we're looking at each other again.  I slowly pull you into an embrace.  It's awkward.  Things have been left unsaid, not dealt with.  I guess we have all the time in the world to deal with the past now don't we?  You pull back from me and whisper how sorry you are.  The look in my eyes must have told you that you're not entirely forgiven as you sigh and turn away from me again.  We have time.  I let you go.  Surely you'll be running into some old friends soon.  The _True _Marauders together again at last.

_When all you got is hurt_

_One love, one blood_

_One life you got to do what you should_

_One life with each other_

_Sisters, brothers_

Together again.  Are we?  Together?  So much has happened.  I don't know whether I should laugh or cry.  We're getting a second chance, or maybe it's our forth or fifth by now?  So many things gone wrong.  However when we were together, it always seemed right didn't it?  At least it did to me, you always were the one to keep your feelings inside.  I want things to be right again.  For us to try again.  You're still walking around in amazement at this place.  Death.  Not what I expected either.  But that's life.  Or death.  Depends on your point of view.  You wander back to where I'm standing.  Contemplating.  Nothing is forgiven.  You know that.  But we have eternity to forgive.  To trust.  To live the rest of our lives.

_One life but we're not the same_

_We get to carry each other, carry each other_

I look into your eyes and see my own reflected in them.  Something I want to see for the rest of time.  Love.

_One…life_

No longer two, we are one again.

_One_


End file.
